You Were Right
She was so sweet. I felt bad for her because she struggled to speak in English. Embarrassed, she hid her face in her hands every time she struggled. She did this multiple times and kept apologizing.
"It's okay!" Scott and I encouraged her. "You are doing good!"
She could speak English, but she struggled. I'm sure that trying to talk on skype made things even more awkward. But I kind of liked the fact that she was shy. Scott and I have learned a lot about the different personality traits people have. She seemed like the kind of person I could take right in and mentor and guide as she took brave steps to explore America. She also seemed to have a gentle spirit, the kind that would show compassion and be kind to children.
We asked her several questions, such as,
Why do you want to be an au pair?
What experience do you have?
Why do you want to come to America?
Are you comfortable with being away from your family and friends for a year?
No doubt she was a sweet girl. I thought about my oldest son. Hmmmmm. She's just about the right age too. I grinned. I was interviewing au pairs, not future daughters-in-law!
Scott and I skyped with her for much longer than we anticipated. Throw in some initial technical difficulties to really make things awkward, but overall, the interview went really well.
"I like her." I said.
"Why do you like her?" Scott asked.
Even though we had one more interview lined up, my heart was set on the shy girl. Scott reminded me that if she wasn't very independent, she might not want to venture out much. She might be very dependent on me.
"That's okay." I said. I could relate to feeling overwhelmed and intimidated by new surroundings. "I'll help her. I'll get her connected to the right people. She will be fine."
I wanted her to be our au pair. "Should we even put the other au pair through an interview?" I asked. I felt bad. I didn't want to lead her on if we were going to make a decision to bring in the shy girl.
I'm one of those, let's get the job done now, kind of people. I didn't want to waste any time. Scott insisted we keep the interview but agreed that we could email the shy girl to see what her thoughts were.
We went ahead and sent an email letting her know that we really enjoyed talking to her, that we really liked her, and asked her if she had any other questions or concerns of her own that we could answer to make her feel comfortable being our au pair. We let her know that we were definitely interested in her becoming our au pair and would be willing to skype again if she wanted to so that we could talk about it in further detail.
We were approaching Easter weekend. We've spent several Easter weekends with our friends, Phil and Amy, over the last several years. For some reason, we missed last year, but this year, we decided to go ahead and make the one hour drive and stay with them for the weekend. Sometimes you just need to get away and thankfully, our friends are always willing to take in our very large family as if we are a part of theirs.
We knew we still had another interview lined up later that evening, but it would be no problem. Our friends were easy going about the schedule and had been very supportive of our adoptions.
The evening finally rolled around. We sat at the table with our friends in the lanai to avoid all the noise the kids were making inside. Phil and Amy sat out of view, but within listening distance. I felt so bad. Here we were, about to interview this other girl when I'd already set my heart on the shy girl. But Scott was right. We needed to do the interview. There were no guarantees.
Cathy's image popped up on the screen. She wore a beautiful smile that complimented her spirited eyes. She had long, straight hair and beautiful skin. She was gorgeous, but too old for my son. (Melissa, stop! You are not interviewing a bride for your son!) For some reason, I had to keep reminding myself of this.
"Hi!" we all greeted each other.
This interview was completely unlike the interview with the shy girl. Cathy was confident. She was so easy to talk to and kept the conversation going. I watched as she listened to our questions through her earbuds, delayed slightly by the long distance between us. I could see her focus. At the time, it never occurred to me that on top of listening carefully to our questions with the uncomfortable delay, she also had to translate what we were saying. English was not her first language, but she spoke with ease.
She asked us questions and when we asked her ours, she had great answers.
"Are you comfortable being away from your family?"
She told us she'd traveled to another country before. It would be no problem.
"How do your parents feel about you becoming an au pair?"
They were very supportive. They wanted her to learn and explore. They felt it was a great opportunity.
As we worked towards ending our skype session, Scott asked Cathy, "Do you have any other questions that we can answer?"
"Yes." She said.
Then she asked, "Do you have dogs?"
We felt bad. We figured if she was asking, she might not like dogs. Why else would she ask?
Scott answered first, "Yes, we have two small dogs."
"Oh good!" She exclaimed. "I love dogs!" She was so excited.
Her response was not only a relief, but it made me laugh. She was so enthusiastic - a free spirit. She was lovely. I felt guilty.
We said our goodbyes and as soon as we disconnected, Scott gave me that look.
"NO." I said. "I want the shy girl."
"Why?" He challenged. "Cathy is perfect. She is confident, independent, and easy to talk to."
"I like Cathy," I answered..."I just...I'm afraid that she will be so independent we won't connect. I want someone who I know will need me like I need her."
Our awesome friends who quietly sat out of view talked with us about the experience. Amy coached me through the pros and cons of each one, noting Cathy's confidence and outgoing personality. Amy can get along with anyone. She has a mentor's heart herself, so she understood where I was coming from. She took the information I shared about the shy girl, and the information she gathered about Cathy, and continued to help me figure out the right fit for us. Then of course, like a good friend does, she supported me with my decision. But still, Cathy's interview lingered in my head.
We enjoyed the rest of our weekend with our friends. I checked our email from time to time, heart torn about these two young ladies. Cathy sent an email, sharing her enthusiasm and experience even further.
We were hearing from Cathy, but where was the shy girl's response? After more time, I confirmed the email I sent to the shy girl actually was sent. I thought of all the reasons why she might not have written back. Sunday afternoon we headed back home and Scott told me what he had already shared with me the night before.
"She hasn't responded yet. I have concerns."
I'd resisted talking about it in depth for the last day. "Maybe she doesn't have internet access as easily as we do," I was making excuses for her, but I also felt uneasy. "Maybe the time difference is interfering or maybe she has to work long hours and can't get to a computer. Maybe she has to go to a local library to use the computer there..." I could have listed a million reasons why she hadn't written back. It's the hopeless romantic in me that does this.
"Maybe she thought about what she would be involved in, helping us take care of six kids, two of them with Cerebral palsy, and felt afraid." He answered.
The reality sunk in. He emphasized that this is very much like a job interview. "If I was interviewing someone to come work at my company and they took this long to respond, I would not want to hire them." He pressed. "If they are not enthusiastic, then you don't want them to work for you. We need to go ahead and write her and let her know that we are moving on."
"Ooooooh..." I moaned. "I feel so bad!"
"Melissa, I can just see this turning out to be a disaster. What if we fly her here and after a couple of months, she decides she is homesick and goes back home. That is the last thing we need in the middle of our adoption."
He was right. I was so sad and felt so guilty that we were closing the door on her. I just knew that once we sent out the email telling her that we decided to move on, she would write back telling us a good reason why she wasn't able to respond. We'd already set up another skype session with Cathy and we received some emails from a couple of other au pairs who were interested in learning more about our family and requested to skype with us. Finally, we were getting some au pairs interested in our offer to host them.
"Okay." I said. "But I think now we need to take our time. There is no need to rush into anything. Let's make sure we really get the right person."
That evening, we skyped with Cathy again. We brought the children into the room at first to say hello. We let them ask her questions, but mostly, we wanted them to interact with her and see how they felt about her. I figured that would be the right step for each interview with the other au pairs as well.
Then Cathy asked us if she could bring her parents into the skype conversation to meet us.
"Of course!" We agreed. And before we knew it, she had them on the screen with her. "They don't speak English," She said. So we said hello to each other and waved.
Then, she went on to explain a little bit about her family's history. With her parents standing behind her, she shared that her father expressed some regrets from his past and because of those regrets, he became inspired to do more. We nodded along as she shared his story. Then she said, "Now, we take care of the elderly in our apartment. Is it okay if I show you? Can I bring the grannies in to meet you?"
"Yes!" We said, not quite sure what to expect.
Cathy excitedly got up and we could hear some conversation in the background. Next, some beautiful elderly grannies came walking in, looking curiously at us just as we were looking curiously at them!
It was so funny, we were all looking at each other curiously and waving hello. The grannies grinned. There was one who really stood out to me. She looked rather mischievous in a fun sort of way. I bet she keeps things interesting for them all!
She just grinned as she looked on and I suddenly realized that I wanted to be right there in that moment, in China with these beautiful people. Next, Cathy picked up her laptop and carried it around the house. The moment felt surreal as we watched the screen before us float around the apartment, showing us more elderly being cared for. It was such a beautiful scene. These people live in an apartment, and they've opened up their home to others. Cathy was opening up her home to us, American strangers, sharing a part of her family's life that I will forever treasure in my heart. She went on to explain that they even help care for the elderly throughout the apartment complex. Her father became a hero in my eyes at that very moment. If only we could all learn to make lessons of life's failures and turn it into something great!
Once she brought the laptop back to her table, we sent the kids to bed. Suddenly we were alone with her, just Scott, Cathy, and me. We were still just sitting there, in awe of what we'd just witnessed. In that moment, I felt connected to this beautiful, independent, free-spirited young woman.
She sat down and spoke, "When I first heard about the boys, I was scared. I wasn't sure if I could do this. But then my mom talked to me and told me, 'Life is not about money and riches. It is about helping each other. This family needs your help, you can do this.'" I let the words sink in. Cathy's mother, full of wisdom, spoke truth to her daughter, and now those very words were traveling half way around the world, watering the seeds in my own heart.
I watched as Cathy closed her eyes and clenched her fists in determination as she continued, "I know I can do this. I want to help you with these boys. I want to be a part of your family."
Scott and I looked at each other. This woman felt the same fear I felt when we first got our match. Now she was expressing her determination to be a part of this journey. She was brave.
In that moment, we both knew that there was no need to interview anyone else. She got it. Her desire to make a difference in others' lives matched our same desire. This wasn't just a job for any of us. This was life itself. Scott whispered to me, confirming we were both aligned. She was the one.
So he turned to Cathy and told her that she seems like the perfect fit. He asked her if she was interested in being our au pair.
She asked something along the lines of, "Are you serious?!?"
"Yes!" We answered.
The excitement she showed only confirmed that our decision was the right one. She squealed in delight and then thanked us, but we felt like we should have been the ones giving thanks. The life she shared with us was just so beautiful, we knew to have her be a part of our lives, even if only for one year, would be more of a treasure than gold or jewels could ever be.
"Oh! Do you mind if I go tell my parents real quick?" She asked.
"Of course!" We answered.
We watched as she excitedly hopped from her chair. We stared at the wall in front of us...waiting. We could here her speaking in Mandarin, then suddenly, we heard all sorts of cheering and excited talk! Scott and I laughed. It was a joyous occasion for all of us and a day we would surely never forget.
After we disconnected from skype, I looked over at Scott. He had that look on his face.
"You were right..." I reluctantly, (and thankfully) admitted. I am so glad he was right.
The next day, I wrote the other au pairs requesting interviews and explained that we found our au pair. Then I wrote our agency: We found our match!
Several days later, we got an email from the shy girl. She expressed her regret for not responding to us. She admitted she became fearful of the situation and wasn't sure if she could handle it. Scott was right.
I was so thankful that things worked out the way they did. I could have really missed out on something great if I'd continued to insist on the shy girl. She is a lovely young lady, but the truth is, I need the independent, free-spirited Cathy in my life right now. God knew this, and protected me from my own stubborness.
Soon, we will have three beautiful Chinese people living in our home. Never in my life did I imagine we would do something like this.
Our red thread...this beautiful red thread. I stand in awe as it continues to weave it's way through many different lives. Cathy will now be a part of our journey and I am so thankful for her. She will fly in next week and we will work at getting her accustomed to American life before we bring our boys home this fall. Stay tuned. I will post pictures of her arrival!
What an adventure!
"It's okay!" Scott and I encouraged her. "You are doing good!"
She could speak English, but she struggled. I'm sure that trying to talk on skype made things even more awkward. But I kind of liked the fact that she was shy. Scott and I have learned a lot about the different personality traits people have. She seemed like the kind of person I could take right in and mentor and guide as she took brave steps to explore America. She also seemed to have a gentle spirit, the kind that would show compassion and be kind to children.
We asked her several questions, such as,
Why do you want to be an au pair?
What experience do you have?
Why do you want to come to America?
Are you comfortable with being away from your family and friends for a year?
No doubt she was a sweet girl. I thought about my oldest son. Hmmmmm. She's just about the right age too. I grinned. I was interviewing au pairs, not future daughters-in-law!
Scott and I skyped with her for much longer than we anticipated. Throw in some initial technical difficulties to really make things awkward, but overall, the interview went really well.
"I like her." I said.
"Why do you like her?" Scott asked.
Even though we had one more interview lined up, my heart was set on the shy girl. Scott reminded me that if she wasn't very independent, she might not want to venture out much. She might be very dependent on me.
"That's okay." I said. I could relate to feeling overwhelmed and intimidated by new surroundings. "I'll help her. I'll get her connected to the right people. She will be fine."
I wanted her to be our au pair. "Should we even put the other au pair through an interview?" I asked. I felt bad. I didn't want to lead her on if we were going to make a decision to bring in the shy girl.
I'm one of those, let's get the job done now, kind of people. I didn't want to waste any time. Scott insisted we keep the interview but agreed that we could email the shy girl to see what her thoughts were.
We went ahead and sent an email letting her know that we really enjoyed talking to her, that we really liked her, and asked her if she had any other questions or concerns of her own that we could answer to make her feel comfortable being our au pair. We let her know that we were definitely interested in her becoming our au pair and would be willing to skype again if she wanted to so that we could talk about it in further detail.
We were approaching Easter weekend. We've spent several Easter weekends with our friends, Phil and Amy, over the last several years. For some reason, we missed last year, but this year, we decided to go ahead and make the one hour drive and stay with them for the weekend. Sometimes you just need to get away and thankfully, our friends are always willing to take in our very large family as if we are a part of theirs.
We knew we still had another interview lined up later that evening, but it would be no problem. Our friends were easy going about the schedule and had been very supportive of our adoptions.
The evening finally rolled around. We sat at the table with our friends in the lanai to avoid all the noise the kids were making inside. Phil and Amy sat out of view, but within listening distance. I felt so bad. Here we were, about to interview this other girl when I'd already set my heart on the shy girl. But Scott was right. We needed to do the interview. There were no guarantees.
Cathy's image popped up on the screen. She wore a beautiful smile that complimented her spirited eyes. She had long, straight hair and beautiful skin. She was gorgeous, but too old for my son. (Melissa, stop! You are not interviewing a bride for your son!) For some reason, I had to keep reminding myself of this.
"Hi!" we all greeted each other.
This interview was completely unlike the interview with the shy girl. Cathy was confident. She was so easy to talk to and kept the conversation going. I watched as she listened to our questions through her earbuds, delayed slightly by the long distance between us. I could see her focus. At the time, it never occurred to me that on top of listening carefully to our questions with the uncomfortable delay, she also had to translate what we were saying. English was not her first language, but she spoke with ease.
She asked us questions and when we asked her ours, she had great answers.
"Are you comfortable being away from your family?"
She told us she'd traveled to another country before. It would be no problem.
"How do your parents feel about you becoming an au pair?"
They were very supportive. They wanted her to learn and explore. They felt it was a great opportunity.
As we worked towards ending our skype session, Scott asked Cathy, "Do you have any other questions that we can answer?"
"Yes." She said.
Then she asked, "Do you have dogs?"
We felt bad. We figured if she was asking, she might not like dogs. Why else would she ask?
Scott answered first, "Yes, we have two small dogs."
"Oh good!" She exclaimed. "I love dogs!" She was so excited.
Her response was not only a relief, but it made me laugh. She was so enthusiastic - a free spirit. She was lovely. I felt guilty.
We said our goodbyes and as soon as we disconnected, Scott gave me that look.
"NO." I said. "I want the shy girl."
"Why?" He challenged. "Cathy is perfect. She is confident, independent, and easy to talk to."
"I like Cathy," I answered..."I just...I'm afraid that she will be so independent we won't connect. I want someone who I know will need me like I need her."
Our awesome friends who quietly sat out of view talked with us about the experience. Amy coached me through the pros and cons of each one, noting Cathy's confidence and outgoing personality. Amy can get along with anyone. She has a mentor's heart herself, so she understood where I was coming from. She took the information I shared about the shy girl, and the information she gathered about Cathy, and continued to help me figure out the right fit for us. Then of course, like a good friend does, she supported me with my decision. But still, Cathy's interview lingered in my head.
We enjoyed the rest of our weekend with our friends. I checked our email from time to time, heart torn about these two young ladies. Cathy sent an email, sharing her enthusiasm and experience even further.
We were hearing from Cathy, but where was the shy girl's response? After more time, I confirmed the email I sent to the shy girl actually was sent. I thought of all the reasons why she might not have written back. Sunday afternoon we headed back home and Scott told me what he had already shared with me the night before.
"She hasn't responded yet. I have concerns."
I'd resisted talking about it in depth for the last day. "Maybe she doesn't have internet access as easily as we do," I was making excuses for her, but I also felt uneasy. "Maybe the time difference is interfering or maybe she has to work long hours and can't get to a computer. Maybe she has to go to a local library to use the computer there..." I could have listed a million reasons why she hadn't written back. It's the hopeless romantic in me that does this.
"Maybe she thought about what she would be involved in, helping us take care of six kids, two of them with Cerebral palsy, and felt afraid." He answered.
The reality sunk in. He emphasized that this is very much like a job interview. "If I was interviewing someone to come work at my company and they took this long to respond, I would not want to hire them." He pressed. "If they are not enthusiastic, then you don't want them to work for you. We need to go ahead and write her and let her know that we are moving on."
"Ooooooh..." I moaned. "I feel so bad!"
"Melissa, I can just see this turning out to be a disaster. What if we fly her here and after a couple of months, she decides she is homesick and goes back home. That is the last thing we need in the middle of our adoption."
He was right. I was so sad and felt so guilty that we were closing the door on her. I just knew that once we sent out the email telling her that we decided to move on, she would write back telling us a good reason why she wasn't able to respond. We'd already set up another skype session with Cathy and we received some emails from a couple of other au pairs who were interested in learning more about our family and requested to skype with us. Finally, we were getting some au pairs interested in our offer to host them.
"Okay." I said. "But I think now we need to take our time. There is no need to rush into anything. Let's make sure we really get the right person."
That evening, we skyped with Cathy again. We brought the children into the room at first to say hello. We let them ask her questions, but mostly, we wanted them to interact with her and see how they felt about her. I figured that would be the right step for each interview with the other au pairs as well.
Then Cathy asked us if she could bring her parents into the skype conversation to meet us.
"Of course!" We agreed. And before we knew it, she had them on the screen with her. "They don't speak English," She said. So we said hello to each other and waved.
Then, she went on to explain a little bit about her family's history. With her parents standing behind her, she shared that her father expressed some regrets from his past and because of those regrets, he became inspired to do more. We nodded along as she shared his story. Then she said, "Now, we take care of the elderly in our apartment. Is it okay if I show you? Can I bring the grannies in to meet you?"
"Yes!" We said, not quite sure what to expect.
Cathy excitedly got up and we could hear some conversation in the background. Next, some beautiful elderly grannies came walking in, looking curiously at us just as we were looking curiously at them!
It was so funny, we were all looking at each other curiously and waving hello. The grannies grinned. There was one who really stood out to me. She looked rather mischievous in a fun sort of way. I bet she keeps things interesting for them all!
 |
| Cathy later sent me this picture. Can you guess which Granny I'm talking about? :) |
She just grinned as she looked on and I suddenly realized that I wanted to be right there in that moment, in China with these beautiful people. Next, Cathy picked up her laptop and carried it around the house. The moment felt surreal as we watched the screen before us float around the apartment, showing us more elderly being cared for. It was such a beautiful scene. These people live in an apartment, and they've opened up their home to others. Cathy was opening up her home to us, American strangers, sharing a part of her family's life that I will forever treasure in my heart. She went on to explain that they even help care for the elderly throughout the apartment complex. Her father became a hero in my eyes at that very moment. If only we could all learn to make lessons of life's failures and turn it into something great!
Once she brought the laptop back to her table, we sent the kids to bed. Suddenly we were alone with her, just Scott, Cathy, and me. We were still just sitting there, in awe of what we'd just witnessed. In that moment, I felt connected to this beautiful, independent, free-spirited young woman.
She sat down and spoke, "When I first heard about the boys, I was scared. I wasn't sure if I could do this. But then my mom talked to me and told me, 'Life is not about money and riches. It is about helping each other. This family needs your help, you can do this.'" I let the words sink in. Cathy's mother, full of wisdom, spoke truth to her daughter, and now those very words were traveling half way around the world, watering the seeds in my own heart.
I watched as Cathy closed her eyes and clenched her fists in determination as she continued, "I know I can do this. I want to help you with these boys. I want to be a part of your family."
Scott and I looked at each other. This woman felt the same fear I felt when we first got our match. Now she was expressing her determination to be a part of this journey. She was brave.
In that moment, we both knew that there was no need to interview anyone else. She got it. Her desire to make a difference in others' lives matched our same desire. This wasn't just a job for any of us. This was life itself. Scott whispered to me, confirming we were both aligned. She was the one.
So he turned to Cathy and told her that she seems like the perfect fit. He asked her if she was interested in being our au pair.
She asked something along the lines of, "Are you serious?!?"
"Yes!" We answered.
The excitement she showed only confirmed that our decision was the right one. She squealed in delight and then thanked us, but we felt like we should have been the ones giving thanks. The life she shared with us was just so beautiful, we knew to have her be a part of our lives, even if only for one year, would be more of a treasure than gold or jewels could ever be.
"Oh! Do you mind if I go tell my parents real quick?" She asked.
"Of course!" We answered.
We watched as she excitedly hopped from her chair. We stared at the wall in front of us...waiting. We could here her speaking in Mandarin, then suddenly, we heard all sorts of cheering and excited talk! Scott and I laughed. It was a joyous occasion for all of us and a day we would surely never forget.
After we disconnected from skype, I looked over at Scott. He had that look on his face.
"You were right..." I reluctantly, (and thankfully) admitted. I am so glad he was right.
The next day, I wrote the other au pairs requesting interviews and explained that we found our au pair. Then I wrote our agency: We found our match!
Several days later, we got an email from the shy girl. She expressed her regret for not responding to us. She admitted she became fearful of the situation and wasn't sure if she could handle it. Scott was right.
I was so thankful that things worked out the way they did. I could have really missed out on something great if I'd continued to insist on the shy girl. She is a lovely young lady, but the truth is, I need the independent, free-spirited Cathy in my life right now. God knew this, and protected me from my own stubborness.
Soon, we will have three beautiful Chinese people living in our home. Never in my life did I imagine we would do something like this.
Our red thread...this beautiful red thread. I stand in awe as it continues to weave it's way through many different lives. Cathy will now be a part of our journey and I am so thankful for her. She will fly in next week and we will work at getting her accustomed to American life before we bring our boys home this fall. Stay tuned. I will post pictures of her arrival!
What an adventure!
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