A Dream Come True

I don't know the exact date, but I still remember the night it happened. It was somewhere between late spring to mid summer when I woke up in the dead of night. I was wide awake and the thought came so clearly to me, “You have a daughter.”

This one statement was insane, not because Scott and I already had six children, but because we were already in the process of adopting two boys from China. How could I even begin to think of another child? 

Years ago, I dreamt that the Lord told me that He was going to give me ten children. It hardly seemed a reality, but there we were, adopting two boys and about to be the parents to eight children. Yet, in the middle of the wait to bring our boys home, He woke me up to tell me about child number nine! It was at this point that I began to believe that maybe my dream about this promise of ten children was more than just a dream.

I shared what the Lord told me with my husband and to my surprise, he believed me. Eventually, I shared what I believed the Lord told me with a couple of friends. As we got closer to bringing our boys home, I even decided that we should look into reusing our dossier. In China, you can reuse your dossier one more time within a year of your previous adoption. This sounded like the way to go. I researched a bit and then tucked that plan in the back of my head for when the time was right to execute it.

Then we brought our boys home.

Things got hard. The honeymoon ended fairly quickly and our family had to learn how to adjust to our new life with two boys from a different country. One of the boys grieved, the other acted out in his own ways, and the other kids carried the struggles of this tremendous change into the atmosphere, creating moments full of tears, anger, and frustration. 

Still, in the midst of all the turmoil, that middle-of-the-night message echoed in my mind from time to time, “You have a daughter.” My God was not letting me forget, even when surrounded by the chaos and adversity that was now our life. 

Several months in, that voice echoed the same message in my head and I remember collapsing in my bed, near tears and oh, so weary. I gave Him my answer, “God, I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m so tired. I can’t take another child.” 

Then I fell asleep.

But even when I sleep, He does not. He skillfully weaves our life into a beautiful story and every now and then, He shares a glimpse of His vision to us in our dreams. That night, He knew how to take my heart and ensconce it into the foundation of His promises through another dream. 

In this dream, I was standing with my family. We were surrounded by people, all of us heading for a destination. To the left, we could see a beautiful city in the distance. The buildings were tall and colorful. Almost all of the people, a large crowd, started walking towards this beautiful place. But I grabbed a couple of my children’s hands, looked at my family and said, “We are going to go this way.” I pointed to my right where there was a raft-like boat big enough for all of us sitting in the water. In the far distance, I could see another land. The buildings weren't as tall, the colors weren't as vibrant, but I knew that was where our family needed to go. As our family walked along the path towards the raft, I noticed a few people here and there who had made the same decision we’d made. They were joining us on the path leading to the rafts. There weren’t as many of us going to this other land, but there was a certain feeling of anticipation as we headed that way.  

Several rafts floated in the water, carrying my family and other families towards this new land. The scene suddenly changed. I made it to the land we sailed towards and I was walking alone towards a bridge on a path surrounded by lush green grass and beautiful trees. The sun was shining with a warm ray of hope. I knew I needed to go to the bridge. From the opposite side of the bridge, a woman was walking towards me, holding the hand of a little girl. We met up on the bridge and the woman placed the child’s hand in mind, said goodbye to the little girl, then walked away. The child and I watched her leave, then the little girl, still holding my hand, looked up at me with her big, beautiful, dark eyes and asked, “Can you please tell me why I don’t have a family?”

I looked into those sweet eyes and I saw the loss and suffering. I knew right then that I had to choose whether I was going to either answer her question or be the answer to her question. I had no words that could adequately explain why because I knew what I was supposed to do. I had to take her with me. 

Then I woke up. 

That is when I knew I could not tell God I'm too tired again. I realized that I needed to rely on Him for strength through all of this and that if He was calling me to do this, He would provide the strength I needed. I gave in to His will. I told him if He wanted me to adopt again, I would. 

I got on our agency’s site and completed the Medical Needs Checklist, a list that asks prospective adoptive parents what medical conditions they were willing to consider. Scott and I talked about it and marked the medical conditions we felt we could handle. We stated we wanted a female and I chose a younger age range just knowing that it was never going to happen and that I’d eventually have to go back and expand our range. But this was just the first step. The wait would be long and I just wanted to get our name in line for the wait. At this point, it was too late to reuse our dossier so I was going to have to start from scratch. We knew we were being called to adopt again, but we weren't quite ready for the next step. My plan was to expand the age range once we felt truly ready to start the process again. I should have remembered from our last adoption experience that my plans tend to get thwarted when I try to manipulate the system!

After submitting our checklist, we received an email encouraging us to go ahead and get moving on the rest of the paper process, but we weren’t ready for that yet. We found out that we were moving and knew we needed to focus on the next big change. So we moved from Florida to Arkansas, changing life drastically for every one of our children once again. We spent the next nine months getting our family settled in. We established some relationships with people we could do life with and I even started taking art classes again! God began working in my heart in so many other ways and I started to truly understand what it looks like to face tough situations with Him standing alongside me. I learned to rely on Him when I didn't feel capable to walk through the tough situations that parenting often brings. All of this strengthened me in a new way.

As we started making connections with the people around us, Scott started talking about adoption again. This time, he became the driving force behind our next steps. He felt like God was telling Him it was time to adopt again. I knew when He was hearing that, it was time to move forward. I still hesitated. I knew it was on me to get things going, but I wasn't quite sure which direction we should go. I literally started seeing signs. The word "Go" popped out at me everywhere. There was no denying it, He was calling us to this. I kept hearing about this amazing organization in our area that specializes in helping families through domestic adoption. What if we were supposed to adopt domestically?

We prayed about where we were supposed to adopt from. We really didn’t hear a specific location, so we agreed that maybe we were supposed to start the process right where we were. I remember thinking about how sad I was that I wasn't going to go back to China again. I always thought I would, but God didn't make it clear and we knew there is a great need right where live. "Maybe when the boys get older," I thought, "We can go back for a heritage trip." 

We attended an information meeting the beginning of March and filled out the initial paperwork to get things going for a domestic adoption. Then we waited to be assigned to a training session. The earliest session didn't start until April and we were told that it was already full. The next available class didn't start until June. "Now I know why we need to go on this," I thought. This process was going to take a while!

Spring finally arrived! We decided to fly the family back to Florida for Spring Break. We got to visit our church family and have lunch with some of them. We talked about adoption and I shared how we started the process again. Everyone cheered and encouraged us on. A friend back home texted me that same week to tell me that she and her husband were there for us along this journey. I felt we were finally established and settled in and it was finally a good time to move forward.

The rest of the week flew by and before I knew it, it was our last full day in Florida. We’d made arrangements to see some friends later that day, so I was making good use of my time, packing and catching up on laundry while Scott handled a phone call that he needed to make. While I was packing in my room, my cell phone rang. I looked at my phone and saw the city and state. I knew immediately who it was. 

And I froze.

I stared at my phone as it continued to ring. I watched in disbelief as this device beckoned me to answer. I just held it, watching until the call went to voice mail. I waited to see if what I believed was happening was true. The phone dinged and I looked at my voicemail. A transcript of the message popped up. It was CCAI, the adoption agency we went through to bring our boys home. They were calling from the waiting child department. 

I texted my friend, the one I was going to see later that day. I told her about the call, then said, “I’m afraid to call back!” 

She encouraged me to just check to see what they wanted. "Maybe they just want to see how you all are doing!" She tried to convince me, but even she wasn't so sure. I still couldn’t do it. What if they want to match us with a child and it’s not what we were prepared for? What if we have to say no to a child? I remember thinking, “I don’t want to say no to a child!” 

I waited for Scott to get off the phone so I could tell him about the call.  

“Let’s call them back together.” He made it sound so easy!

I was so nervous, making that call. I tried to convince myself that they might just want us to complete more paper work or maybe they just wanted to see if we were still interested in adopting through CCAI since we hadn’t started on our dossier. The time period since we came home with our boys was well past a year, so it would require starting over with a new dossier. 

But the call was exactly what I thought and it went something like this...

“We have a match,” the woman on the other line told me. “Are you interested in hearing about this child?” 

I looked at Scott who answered for both of us, “Yeah!” 

I braced myself. I didn’t want to say no to a child. We’d just started the process to adopt in Arkansas. How in the world was this going to work out? I couldn’t imagine it would. 

"God," I pleaded, "I don't want to say no to a child." 

Then my thoughts took over. What if we were their only chance at being adopted? What if their needs are more than we can handle? We started the process in Arkansas, aren't we supposed to be adopting from Arkansas? The only way I could see it working, is if she was a girl, and a younger girl at that. 

The woman interrupted my thoughts, “Well, first, the child is a girl.”

I looked at Scott, a bit shocked. Why? I don’t know. I marked girl on the checklist, but the whole situation seemed so surreal.  

“She just turned a year old this month…”

Jaw dropped.

“She has the cutest cheeks!”

Tears welled up in my eyes. Was I hearing this right?

She continued with more details, then, “If you are interested, I’ll email her file…”

Scott answered for us again. I was pretty much speechless.

While I waited for the email, I texted my friend, “It’s a girl!” Crying (but happy crying!) emoji’s followed.  “One! A BABY girl!” Was this really happening?

I kept checking my email to see her picture and read more about her. Finally, the email landed in my inbox and that is when I was wrecked. 

Those cheeks! 

Her eyes!

We knew immediately the answer was yes. I was going to say yes to this child!

We took a moment to pray about it, but the answer was clear. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

We knew we needed to try to find out as much as we could about her medical situation, so we reached out to an international adoption clinic where her file was evaluated by some doctors. They went over her file with us and gave us their professional opinion. Some of the unknowns are scary, but everything we could be facing is something we feel we should be willing to walk into with this sweet one.

So we submitted our letter of intent and received pre-approval the next week! The journey has begun and I can’t wait to get our little girl home. I'm so thankful that even when we aren't quite sure which direction to go, our God is gracious enough to lead us. He told me I had a daughter, then He prepared the way. 

He gave me strength, He planted this desire in my heart, and He brought the news of this child to us. There is so much significance to the timing of it all. Even her finding date is on a significant day to us.



My Daughter. My Dream. My Promise.

And that time frame when I first heard Him whisper this sweet news to my heart? After discovering her birthday, I calculated that it was probably right around the time she was conceived that I heard. Maybe it was the very moment, but at the very least, it was just weeks after. 

How amazing is that?

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Jeremiah 1:5a

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